Some Of The Best Lines

When Jack Lemmon reveals to a suitor at the end of Some Like It Hot (1959) that he's actually a man, and the suitor replies, "Well, nobody's perfect," that joke works on so many levels. I'm surprised that director Billy Wilder was allowed to get away with making that film.

Jane Greer, playing a typical scheming film noir dame in Out Of The Past (1947), tells Robert Mitchum, "I don't want to die!" He answers gruffly, "I don't want to die either baby, but if I die, I'm gonna be last."

A psychiatrist lets Maxwell Smart's friend Sid go, but detains the spy on "The Little Black Book" a very funny episode of "Get Smart" (1965-1970). "Mr. Smart, do you ever feel like you're being followed and hounded?" the psychiatrist asks. "Yes, I used to," Max replies, "but now I pay for everything with cash."

Rose says something particularly nutty on an episode of "The Golden Girls" (1985-1992), and Sophia tells a fellow housemate, "Blanche, you're closer to the knife drawer."

Cybill Shephard goes shopping with her stepdaughter in Married To It (1993), who doesn't like her. When Shephard asks the girl's opinion about a dress, the kid cracks, "My mom said that only whores like red dresses." Shephard replies quickly, "Then she'll like it."

One of the car wash employees calls out a pastor as being insincere in the movie Car Wash (1976). The crowd gasps as the pastor, played by Richard Pryor, fixes his eyes on the guy. "If I wasn't a Christian man, I'd be kickin' yo' ass!"

A guy responds to another guy who's threatening him while they spend time in a lockup during a scene in Diner (1982). The offender backs off after he's told by his would-be prey, "I'll hit you so hard, it'll kill your whole family."

Drew Barrymore beats down a crook in Charlie's Angels (2003) and informs him, "And that's called kicking your ass!"

Thelma Evans snaps on her husband Keith, who had made the mistake of slapping her during an episode of "Good Times" (1974-1979). "Is Everlast written across my face?" she yells.

Carlos and Gabby argue over the issue of having children during an episode of "Desperate Housewives" (2004-present). She curtly tells him, "My womb is not up for negotiation!"

Kevin Costner gives some wise advice to son Elijah Wood after the boy talks about getting revenge on kids who picked on him in The War (1994). "It only takes one moment to do something that you will regret for the rest of your life."

Costner gets off another good one in The Untouchables (1987) after a deadly rooftop fight with Billy Drago, who played gangster Frank Nitti. Costner has just thrown the guy off the top of the roof, and the crook falls through the roof of a car. Someone asks him where Nitti is at, and Costner answers, "In the car."

Norman Bates' mother is in control of her son again at the end of Psycho 2 (1983). She tells him to take care of the hotel. "Get down those stairs, boy! What do you think we live on--hope?"

Billy Dee Williams offers Diana Ross money in Lady Sings The Blues (1972). She hesitates, and he says, "You're gonna let my arm fall off?"

Tom Hanks comments about Parker Posey's character in You've Got Mail (1998): "She would make coffee nervous."

Carlton Banks admits to his cousin Will that he's a virgin on "The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air" (1990-1996), and a groom overhears him. The digruntled groom has just found out that his bride is not pure, and he comments, "Glad to hear that someone still is!"

Della Reese, playing a madame in Harlem Nights (1989), defends her position to a cop. "I'm an honest 'ho!"

Whitney Houston's mom desperately tries to convince her daughter to stay with a man who, in reality, is no good for her in Waiting To Exhale (1995). "Then you fucking marry him!" Whitney snaps before banging the receiver down in her mother's ear.

Wanda, the Ugly Girl, tells her date that if she doesn't get a drink in her before midnight, she turns into a werewolf during a sketch on "In Lving Color" (1990-1994). "Then it must be a quarter to one," her date says.

Beau Bridges cracks on his mother-in-law, after she finds a boyfriend on an episode of "Harts Of The West" (1993-1994). His wife is concerned about the relationship. Bridges says drily, "Why shouldn't it work out. He's a man. . .she's a man."